First Day of the Rest of Your Life

The Good Thing About Bad Memory

What was the first week at the new job like? Imagine careening at warp speed directly into a cement abutment or the disorientation of an interminable inner ear infection. Worse yet, try to conjure the immense discomfort of returning to adolescence where you don't fit in here or there --a perpetual limbo. I've found myself describing the two weeks post-move as reliving childbirth--the second time you are pregnant, you remember it was very painful but forget all the intense nuance until you are in the middle of it once again. Intellectually, I reasoned beforehand that I was moving very, very fast--that I was upending my life and engaging most of the major stress events you can incur at one time--that I would find myself lonesome, anxiety-ridden, and remorseful after the fact--nevertheless, I took it in stride. Change hurts.

What have I done?

So the personal side of the adjustment was expected and, remember, I was no stranger to government agencies coming into this--but something about the finality of walking into a strange building and knowing that (with a new mortgage in hand) I had made a substantive commitment unnerved me. The first day was a "comedy (from today's vantage point) of errors." I am working in a cognitive environment very different from my natural orientation. A research institution is typically a left-brain environment that is often blind to the fact that cognitive imbalance is the broad solution to disfunction that often goes unnoticed. After being offered the job by phone through a woman in the Atlanta CDC office, I did not hear from anyone at the agency for the next two weeks until I emailed to say I was excited about coming and ask what was on the agenda for my first week. I was told they were happy I was coming and there wasn't much planned. Despite being absorbed in the fiscal year formalities, the deputy director was very helpful in providing information during my house hunt and offered her guest room for my use. CDC sent me a letter two weeks before telling me where to go for my induction and processing and weblinks to 15 documents I MUST submit before coming. End of hoopla. I showed up the first day and no one seemed to know I was coming. My secretary was flustered. And there was some controversy over no one accompanying me to the location for induction. I was fingerprinted by a crabby woman who let me know she was retiring in a week after 35 years of service---AND I was late.

Nancy Wilson and Other Good Signs

My secretary, Nancy Wilson (good jazz name), was very sweet and welcoming. She's only been here six months (so the blind lead the blind). Seeing my office didn't perk up my spirits much--cream colored cinder blocks circa the early 60's St. Peter's Grade School with one narrow window. Nevertheless, I have a window (which looks out on trees); the room is spacious; and I have new carpet. They will move things--though not quickly and things can be put on the walls...but YOU can't put them up. I was on my own for lunch which gave me ample time to think about my fine square peg in round hole predicament. I kept telling myself to breathe and wondered when I would get direction or some indication of expectations from the director. On the second day there, I sat in on my first institute-wide conference call and was informed that I would be facilitating the next one in two weeks. Wednesday was senior staff meeting and the chiefs meeting. Unlike other executive level meetings of which I have been a part (and which will go unnamed) the tone was familiar, inclusive, and self-deprecating. The director is quite dry and funny. My colleagues were very gracious and there didn't appear to be the posturing I'm used to seeing at such gatherings. I took it as a good sign that they joked about all the government acronyms for my benefit. Somehow in my fatigued and uncertain state, I managed to sound composed, grounded and happy. When I spoke, I was articulate and coherent---or as Patty Loew describes it...bluebirds flew out my mouth.

The Upside of Conditioning and Character Building

Of course, it took a week to get a computer and there was a ball dropped in Atlanta which resulted in me missing my first paycheck. Frank Huitt and I have a standing joke that I have built more character than any 10 human beings would ever find useful. Nevertheless, it is just that kind of conditioning that has paid off now. What is unfamiliar is the freedom I am being accorded in directing my department. I was actually uneasy with the absence of opinion and clarification of expectations in the first two weeks. Conversations with the deputy and director since indicate they are surprised at the speed of my acclimation and what I've been able to accomplish. I forget how meticulously efficient you become when working for yourself--and how the relentless state of proving your worth informs your every move and constantly feeds a sense of urgency that is not routine elsewhere.

Week 3 my mental fog began to clear. In a H1N1-related communication situation, I found my expertise translate to a new environment complete with my excellent skills at performing in a crisis. The days go fast and my coaching work has made the easiest part of my job connecting with and providing positive guidance for my staff. The phd really opens the doors to credibility in a way I have not seen before. It is exciting to have the ear of the Office of the Director in Washington and be preparing briefs that are under consideration at the CDC. Though past experiences cause me to trust with some skepticism, my characteristic optimism creeps in and, when I have time to breathe and step back, I see possibility in a way I have not been able to for some time. At the end of four weeks, I still believe this move is right and my choices have been good ones.

Chez Bogie

I could hardly contain myself during the past week as I prepared for my first houseguest. Bonnie Neal came out to break in the new house and continue our

long ritual of birthday field trips. One of the things I missed the weekend before was having someone to explore with. Bonnie and I made up for it this weekend. We walked the beautiful Rowe Arboretum up the road.

We continued my outreach activities started on the househunting trips. Bonnie and I made friends with several women running antique/resale shops up the road in Milford. B's blog will undoubtedly be filled with pictures of the exquisite doors of downtown Cinci--the temple, cathedral and other unique and old portals.

Had a great dinner in Kentucky at the Newport Levy. My favorite activity, though, was driving the back roads, traipsing through a cemetary,

and making abrupt stops so Bonnie could photograph the fall colors. Today, we traveled the gorgeous city parks and had coffee and dessert at the Rookwood Pottery Restaurant--oh, my the view from Mt. Adam looking over the river. Beautiful!

I hated to send her off, but was so grateful for her visit and to have a dear one christen the new house and guest room. We had a wonderful time and, like Kathy Krusiec, I now have another part of my "family" initiated into my new life and acquainted with the people and places with whom I am building new stories and history. Tomorrow -- off to Orlando to see my people in action at the National Safety Council's conference with my government issue Blackberry and sheaf of background reading in hand.

The week ended with a call from Philip to share the news of an "A" on his latest college paper. Told Thomas that my new insurance will let him keep his McFarland doctor--and talked to Mom tonight about my adventures with Bonnie. Life is good.